i hit my coworkers shoulder lightly and he was like “you’re going to make me cry like a girl” and i was like “what’s wrong with being a girl?” and he was quiet for a moment then he looked into the distance and whispered “the social standards they’re forced to live by”
You have such a huge fan base and it’s such an interesting show. Do your fans ask you for anything unusual? It being such an unusual show.
no but guys
someone told our professor that i had a fantastic pick up line and they made me tell her
DO YOU KNOW
HOW AWKWARD IT IS
TO LOOK YOUR PROFESSOR IN THE EYE AND SAY
“I MAY NOT GO DOWN IN HISTORY BUT I’LL GO DOWN ON YOU”
“I’M GOING TO TRY THAT ON MY HUSBAND”
"Yes, we slept together." [X]
the question is who in your otp is the enthusiastic parent that cheers way too loudly at soccer games
Is your name volume because I wish you’d turn the fuck down
no i’m not gonna lend you my pencil because if i lend you my pencil then you’ll want my calculator and then you’ll want austria and czechoslovakia and then you’ll end up invading poland and i will not have that shit
me when i get a better grade than the best student in my class
missionary? doggy?? um personally i prefer
BREAKING NEWS: if you ever judge anyone based on the number of sexual partners they’ve had, you’re a complete imbecile.
I beg to differ.
If someone has had more than one hundred thousand sexual partners I will absolutely judge them because that is impressive as hell.
I was expecting that to go somewhere else than it did and I’m pleased with the ending